I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
