Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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