Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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