Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
