I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
