Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
