i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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