Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
