I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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