Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
