Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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