what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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