we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize