I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
