I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
