I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
