You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
