You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
