Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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