Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
