So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
