I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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