we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
