I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
