I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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