I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
