i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
