i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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