sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
