I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
