she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
