This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
