Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
