Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
