I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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