Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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