Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
