HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
