You're so nebulous sometimes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
