You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We need to get me chipped asap
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
