shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
