he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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