if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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