help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
