Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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