oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
