I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
