do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
