Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
