In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
