i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
