the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
