our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
