I have demons in me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
