Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
