Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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