i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
