dude i'm inner monologue high
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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