Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
