Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
