Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
