Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
pray to the hookup gods
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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