I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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