He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
