Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
