Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
