so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
