I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
