And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
