I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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