There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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