help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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