Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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