booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
