if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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