Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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