Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I did not marry a roomba.
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