I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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